Clearly and effective communication on work and relationship

The way we communicate can strongly influence our relationships with others, their responses, the achievement of goals at work.

But where do we start from? An essential ability to effectively communicate is assertiveness.

Assertiveness is the ability to express one’s ideas and emotions in a clear, effective and coherent manner, in different contexts and respecting others. It is about finding a balance between expressing and asserting one’s own ideas and not prevailing over others.

The ability to say NO

Let’s start with an first important point, the ability to say NO:

How many of you have difficulty in saying no, are they always being available to others or are they doing things they don’t really want to do? Which of you would rather accept everything than express yourselves because of fear of confrontation? Sometimes you think “I have to do what he wants, otherwise the relationship will be destroyed”. This way you allow others to control you.

Well, if you recognize yourself in this description, it is possible you may be implementing passive strategies, keeping yourself at the service of others while experiencing great frustration.

TO GET DIFFERENT RESULTS, YOU HAVE TO MAKE DIFFERENT CHOICES. It’s important to start taking responsibility. If it becomes your responsibility, then you can do something about it, there is room for change.

Here are some basic principles not to forget

1.        You are responsible for your own behaviour, not other people’. We listen to the desires and demands of Others, then we choose whether or not to satisfy them by reflecting on what we really want, so it will be our decision.

2.        Respect the independence of others and accept their choices. Others can say no to you too, that doesn’t mean they are angry with you. They are not saying no to you, they are saying no to your request and it is important to respect it, as you would like to be respected.

3.        Say no when we want to say no. Respect your needs and don’t sacrifice yourself. This in order to be more helpful to others. You can start with small things, gradually.

4.        Ask yourself what you want and tell others.

If you express yourself by following your needs, with sincerity and respect for others, you will feel more in alignment with yourself.

Let’s not forget that the other person may or may not understand. We cannot control the others’ reaction, but in doing so we will know that we have acted according to our needs and values and that is what counts.

Things not to do

• complaining … things won’t change
• Imposing us to change the external situation. The outside world will never fit in perfectly with our needs.
• Always speak in terms of “YOU“, focusing on what the other could do.
• Put your head in the sand and try to suppress our needs. You can’t please everyone, we can’t always compromise on everything.

Our assertive rights are:

• Right to say no
• Right to decide
• Right to change your mind
• Right to be sad/happy/angry/surprised/disgusted
• Right to express our opinion

Effective communication exercises

1)The “I” Phrases : Speaking in First Person

 A significant part of the communications are either interlocutor-centric or external focused.

While if you open a conversation with “in my opinion“, “I think”, “I would suggest”, “I am of the opinion“, “I feel”, it is more effective.

Example: in a conflict between colleagues, instead of saying ” it is impossible to work with you!”, we could say “in my opinion, we should find an alternative solution…”.

2)Broken disc technique :

Brken disc technique consists of continuing to express coherently and firmly, with the same words, what you believe.

3) Expressing Facts or actual Proposals and Actions

The best way to get assertive is practice. Don’t get frustrated if you don’t succeed at the first one, it takes time to learn a new style.